Well, Cher's behavior and nasty intentions brought that to a screeching halt.
Let's backtrack a bit, I pretty much single-handedly raised Tata with no financial assistance from BD. When Tata was eight years old, I finally had the courage to take BD to court to demand child support, I was mostly thinking about our daughter's future (i.e, college fund), so in 2006 the court ordered BD to pay $163 a month in child support. BD was slighted that I took him to court to ask for child support. For eight long years, I waited for him to man up and support his child and it wasn't like he was blindsided by this, we talked about him providing financial support, and he promised every single time that he would. I guess I just got tired of his empty promises. In 2010, he married Cher and they shortly became pregnant. Tata was concerned that her BD would not be able to raise a new family when Cher was unemployed and he could lose his job at any moment. So I did what a mother would do to ease that worry, I had the child support order discontinued. At this time (2006-2010), BD had given a total of about $7,000 in child support payments which all went to Tata's 529 (college) plan.
However, it appears that my daughter was worried for nothing about her BD's financial situation. On Cher's Instagram account via her previous handle dtopnotch_r, (she changes her username ever so often, currently it is c_thetopnotch_r) she tells her followers that she is an "occupational therapist by profession, senior property manager" I guess she switched from the retail industry to healthcare and real estate!
On her Instagram post below about the hospital tour she did for their 2nd child on the way, Cher also mentioned that BD is an electrical engineer, surely they are doing OK financially. Again, I don't really keep tabs of what their occupations are, it's also news to me that BD works as an electrical engineer. He was probably hired as one shortly after the child support was discontinued, because a $163/month child support order couldn't have been based from an electrical engineer's salary. What I do know is that he majored in electrical engineering in college. Anyway, it was refreshing to know that my daughter need not worry about her biological father's financial situation, because with three jobs between them, (Cher, an occupational therapist and senior property manager and BD, an electrical engineer) they are doing just fine.
Despite BD's shortcomings to our daughter, I did not raise her to hate him. In spite of the conflicts I've had with BD, I refused to bad mouth him in front of our child, this is how Tata grew up with love and concern for her BD even though they've never really spent a lot of time together. I love my daughter so much that I had to put my personal feelings aside and allow her to have a relationship with her biological father.
Cher could not do this. How selfish can someone be to want to put a wedge between a father and his daughter? Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous, not selfish... I guess what Cher feels for BD wasn't this type of love.
I have never known BD to like either confrontations or serious talks, he avoided both whenever he could. He might have changed over the years, but the incident between our daughter and his wife proved that he still chooses to shy away from important conversations.
After finding out that BD and Cher had a big fight over the screenshots of the conversations that started this whole thing, I expected that he would then have a talk with our daughter, apologize to her at the very least for his wife's horrid behavior. This did not happen. BD never addressed it with Tata. He swept it under the rug and went on his merry way...like it never happened.
Fast forward to July of this year, almost 4 years running since Tata slept over at her BD's apartment that he shared with Cher and their son, he invited our daughter to visit them at their new apartment and stay over. Tata could not believe that her BD invited her to spend the weekend, under the same roof, with the woman who loathes her very existence. Remember what Cher said? She said she never liked it when Tata stayed over at their apartment. When our daughter was there, Cher would act like a robot so my daughter would be bored and would want to go home soon. Remember that?
Not wanting to hurt her BD's feelings, she refused by saying I didn't want her spending the night, not that weekend (actually, not ever). Our daughter is still disappointed that her BD would rather pretend everything is ok than have a serious talk with her about what happened.
I get that BD could be embarrassed of his wife's behavior, which precludes him from having a conversation with our daughter, but c'mon!
So back to that July event, it was BD and Cher son's birthday. Tata, along with her boyfriend, attended her half-brother's birthday party. Now before this day and since October 2013, most of Tata's conversations with Cher (which the latter awkwardly initiates) during BD's family gatherings have been brief but civil, none of that friendly conversations that used to be natural for the both of them. Expectedly, this gathering was no exception as Cher managed to behave like a fool by making inappropriate comments.
Around this time, Cher is pregnant with their second baby and upon seeing my daughter and her boyfriend, asked "when are you guys going to get married?", offered an unsolicited advice of "you should really have kids while you're young," and urged "give me grandkids soon!"
Tata and her boyfriend recounted the day's event to me and both were uncomfortable with Cher's line of questioning and improper choice of conversation starter.
So...WTF Cher? Are you suggesting that Tata abandon school and have kids at 19 so you can have grandkids? Clearly, you did not want Tata to finish her college degree on time. I now know you secretly wish that my daughter fails at whatever she does. We know your real intentions. We know what you truly think.
And what did you mean, give you grandkids? You hate my daughter to begin with, now you want her to have kids early so you can have grandchildren who you'll hate even more? And by the way, when she has kids of her own (many years from now after professional school), they will not be your grandkids because you are not part of our family.
Do me a favor Cher, please do not speak to my daughter when you happen to be at the same family gathering her BD invites her to. It's ok, you do not have to pretend to be nice. You do not have to exert an effort on small, thoughtless conversations. You do not have to initiate pointless, meaningless and hollow interactions. Normal people who hate other people don't engage in a charade to pretend to like said other people.
But then we all know, you are not normal.
I have never known BD to like either confrontations or serious talks, he avoided both whenever he could. He might have changed over the years, but the incident between our daughter and his wife proved that he still chooses to shy away from important conversations.
After finding out that BD and Cher had a big fight over the screenshots of the conversations that started this whole thing, I expected that he would then have a talk with our daughter, apologize to her at the very least for his wife's horrid behavior. This did not happen. BD never addressed it with Tata. He swept it under the rug and went on his merry way...like it never happened.
Fast forward to July of this year, almost 4 years running since Tata slept over at her BD's apartment that he shared with Cher and their son, he invited our daughter to visit them at their new apartment and stay over. Tata could not believe that her BD invited her to spend the weekend, under the same roof, with the woman who loathes her very existence. Remember what Cher said? She said she never liked it when Tata stayed over at their apartment. When our daughter was there, Cher would act like a robot so my daughter would be bored and would want to go home soon. Remember that?
Not wanting to hurt her BD's feelings, she refused by saying I didn't want her spending the night, not that weekend (actually, not ever). Our daughter is still disappointed that her BD would rather pretend everything is ok than have a serious talk with her about what happened.
I get that BD could be embarrassed of his wife's behavior, which precludes him from having a conversation with our daughter, but c'mon!
So back to that July event, it was BD and Cher son's birthday. Tata, along with her boyfriend, attended her half-brother's birthday party. Now before this day and since October 2013, most of Tata's conversations with Cher (which the latter awkwardly initiates) during BD's family gatherings have been brief but civil, none of that friendly conversations that used to be natural for the both of them. Expectedly, this gathering was no exception as Cher managed to behave like a fool by making inappropriate comments.
Around this time, Cher is pregnant with their second baby and upon seeing my daughter and her boyfriend, asked "when are you guys going to get married?", offered an unsolicited advice of "you should really have kids while you're young," and urged "give me grandkids soon!"
Tata and her boyfriend recounted the day's event to me and both were uncomfortable with Cher's line of questioning and improper choice of conversation starter.
So...WTF Cher? Are you suggesting that Tata abandon school and have kids at 19 so you can have grandkids? Clearly, you did not want Tata to finish her college degree on time. I now know you secretly wish that my daughter fails at whatever she does. We know your real intentions. We know what you truly think.
And what did you mean, give you grandkids? You hate my daughter to begin with, now you want her to have kids early so you can have grandchildren who you'll hate even more? And by the way, when she has kids of her own (many years from now after professional school), they will not be your grandkids because you are not part of our family.
Do me a favor Cher, please do not speak to my daughter when you happen to be at the same family gathering her BD invites her to. It's ok, you do not have to pretend to be nice. You do not have to exert an effort on small, thoughtless conversations. You do not have to initiate pointless, meaningless and hollow interactions. Normal people who hate other people don't engage in a charade to pretend to like said other people.
But then we all know, you are not normal.
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