Let It Go

For years I had tried to divert these negative emotions elsewhere.  I got my MBA, learned new skills at my job, even tried learning Spanish!  Don't get me wrong, Cher wasn't the first nasty person who has wronged me.  I have come across my fair share of unreasonable, mean, vile and downright foolish characters.  Disengaging and diverting my attention elsewhere became an effective strategy for me.

I stay away from negative beings, refrain from talking about them to anyone (because it's a waste of time really, one or two venting sessions amongst my closest circle should be more than enough) and I immerse myself to what's good and positive so after awhile, the misdeeds of these toxic people  become just a distant memory.  In most cases, I've forgiven (but not forgotten) so I can move on without having to cause disruption on anyone's lives.  I've done it a dozen times so ignoring Cher and focusing on other endeavors that will enrich me positively was not difficult to do.

And I tried, I really did, but those solutions that used to work were merely band-aids.  They would stop the bleeding for a good amount of time, but the wound is still there.  It would be ok for a period of time, then something happens that would swiftly trigger memories of those vitriolic words and just like that, I am back to that day in October 2013 when I felt utterly helpless while my child was in pain.  I just cannot seem to shake it off.

What's different this time around?  Why did my "effective strategy" fail?

Because my daughter was hurt.

Because I felt her heart broke.

Because I saw her tears.


I wished Cher had stopped with me.  Bash me all you want from sun up to sun down, until all your days are filled with hateful thoughts about me, make me the center of your purposeless life.  Go right ahead.  You will not hear a peep from me.

But she didn't.  She went right ahead and trampled my daughter.  Why?

Tata doesn't demand anything from BD or his little family -- not time, not money, not even attention.  If she did, yes I could understand how Cher can be irritated gradually until it builds up to this giant snowball of intense dislike.  Imagine having to share resources with your husband's first child?!  Which begs these questions:  Does BD regularly visit and spend time with his only daughter?  No.  Did he offer to pay (at least a part of) her college tuition? housing? meal plan? books?  supplies? No, no, no no and no.  Does he give her monthly spending money?  for auto insurance? gas? clothing? No, no, no and no.  Does Tata demand anything at all from her biological father? Absofreakinglutely Not.

Meanwhile, Cher's Instagram account is peppered with her latest fashion purchases and she is not shy flaunting them: Hermes,  Prada, Louis Vuitton, Balenciaga, Chanel, Tiffany and Co., Bvlgari, Balmain, Valentino, DVF, Tory Burch, etc., you name it, she probably has it in her closet.  Makes you think they are rolling in the dough, right?  So how come BD hardly spends a dime for his daughter, except for Christmas presents and birthday dinner?  If Cher forbids BD from putting a line on their budget for his only daughter, then that's on him.  If he thinks that he doesn't have to support his child because she's already technically an adult, then that's on him too.  He didn't really support her as a minor, why start now?

To be honest, I couldn't care less how Cher and BD spend their money.  Fortunately, my husband and I make enough so Tata didn't have to be in a position to beg for anything from her biological father.  The point is, I've racked my brain trying to think of reasons why Cher would develop such animosity towards my daughter.  If it's not sharing her husband's resources, then what is it?  In the end, I have settled on the idea that it's simply because my daughter exists, which is an insanely ridiculous justification!  How could any normal human being reason with that?

Now Cher, I know you love your son T...so very much that anyone who disappoints him gets your wrath right?  I've seen some of your lengthy, scathing, anger-filled social media posts directed towards people or companies and establishments that you perceived treated your son unfairly.  The posts were borderline unreasonable and unfair to the other party, all because you felt your son was slighted.  Let me pick an example (out of the many), remember that day when you took your son to a public library and decided on the fly to have him sit in a reading activity for toddlers?  Yes that one.  At the end of that activity, the teacher handed out eggs to all the kids except your son.  You wrote that you were aggravated and hurt because the snobbish teacher singled out your 3-year old by not giving him an egg.  Below is Cher's original post on Yelp referencing this review, under the name Rissa L. (short for Cherissa Lapid).  I've also included a review where she posted a photo of herself, so there is no mistaking that this handle and review on Yelp belongs to Cher:

Fortunately, she posted a photo of herself on this review, so I am certain Rissa L. on Yelp is Cher  I've read some of her other reviews while at it, and from these, I opine Cher exudes this I am better-than-thou attitude on most of her critiques.  Well, she did have that previous Instagram handle "herroyalhighnesscher" so perhaps she has some form of grandiose delusions.

This is one of Cher review on Yelp that I find quite distasteful.  As someone who works in a healthcare system that promotes and supports mental health with a mission to end substance abuse, suicide and homelessness, it is sickening for me to know that for Cher, this unfortunate plight matters less than her enjoyment of donuts.  Like the destitute state of her fellowmen is immaterial and her pastry pleasure matters above all.  Hey Cher, why not share your good fortune and buy a box of donuts for these "homeless people and crazy schizos" on your next visit to Winchell's Donut House?

Here's another one of her reviews.  Obviously, she doesn't feel unsafe around these "junkie customers" or she wouldn't keep coming back (with her son in tow, no less) to this particular McDonald's. Cher just doesn't like seeing the homeless, impoverished crowd because she will lose appetite for her Big Mac.  How dare these people loiter in her highness' presence!  Don't they know?  She cannot stand hungry, down on their luck, possibly mentally ill people while she's attending to her gastronomic affair with fast food!
Hey Cher, if the sight of these unfortunate souls really bother you (strong enough to make certain the business establishments know you're repulsed by them), why keep coming back to this place? Why not go outside of Moreno Valley and find a nice place fit for someone as classy and high-end like you?  Here's a suggestion, dine at Fleming's over at La Jolla or Newport Beach, I guarantee you won't see "junkie customers" there because these places are upscale, fit for royalty or feeling royalty alike.

Ok, I digress...on to the other review I mentioned earlier.

As you can see, it doesn't take much to aggravate and hurt Cher, just her perception of someone hurting her child will send her to crazy angry land.  What would she actually do if her kid was intentionally hurt, just like she deliberately and purposely hurt my child?  She will probably go crazy ballistic.  So you see, my reaction compared to hers is still mellow, no?

Wow.  How dare that teacher purposely hurt a toddler!  Could it be that she had just enough eggs to hand out to the kids who actually signed up (in advance) for the activity???  But you couldn't see through reason, because you thought your child was being ignored intentionally.  You described the teacher as "Asian or Latina with long black hair", so when management reads your post they knew who to admonish.  I seriously hope you didn't cost that woman her job.

My point is, now you can understand where I am coming from.  This blog is kinda like your social media rants (on steroids) except that I don't think this was borne out of an incorrect perception that my child was slighted.  Trust me, she was unequivocally maligned by someone she thought was family.   She was harmed, emotionally scarred and betrayed by someone she thought she could trust.  So who could blame a mom for trying to defend and protect her child?

Certainly not you.  We both know that at the slightest provocation, those fangs and claws will come out so you can defend and protect your child.  I am merely doing the same thing for my child.

You better believe it.

I am letting it all out and leaving it here, in the hopes that one day this nightmare will stop repeating itself.  Like I said, I want to be able to move on permanently and for good, not just for a period of time, not just temporarily.  I have to put an end to this vicious cycle of being ok with it for a minute and then not the next.

Just move on already?  Well, if this was done to your child, how quickly can you move on?  24 hours?  Overnight? A week? A year? A decade?  Who knows?

Yes, hanging on to something that hurts can be oppressive and depleting.  I should really try harder to let it go.

So I will.  So I must.