Cher Lapid's Sole Purpose and Goal in Life

Clearing some photos from the cloud today and came across this post from Cher Lapid (Cher Vallecer Lapid at one time on Facebook, Cher Cher currently).  If I had to guess this post was written some time around the year that her fake personality was unveiled.  I'm positive she posted this for herself because she loves to gossip and engage in drama.  If there is no gossip or drama, she will create it herself, because that's her oxygen.

Cher Lapid sweetie, I beg to disagree with your post.  Just because your life is filled with silly drama and gossip that you create and thrive on (you got loose lips eh?), it doesn't mean you're disconnected from your sole purpose in life or lack goals.  Hate to break it to yah, but that's all you're ever gonna amount to.  Drama and gossip are all that can fit in your dull brain and hateful heart, these two are YOUR meaningful goals and the sole purpose of your pathetic life.  Admit it. Embrace it. Own it.

No need to shy away and hide from your true self.  Stop pretending that you are this harmless or this kind person who fight for and support causes that you know deep down you don't really care about.  Heck, you don't even care about my daughter, your husband's child, how can you say you care about strangers?  You hate homeless, mentally ill strangers and people you think are beneath you (see your Yelp post somewhere in this blog for the receipt).  You made sure you drive a wedge on people's relationships wherever you go, destroying friends and relatives around you (yes I know about the fallout because of what you did, but that's honestly outside the scope of this blog because it doesn't concern my daughter anymore, but know that I'm aware of the bonds you destroyed because you are narcissistic), so tell me Cher, how do you expect to build connection with humankind in general, when all you do is annihilate relationships that don't serve you?

Read your very own malicious, savage and spiteful words that I posted here for eternity, for you to never forget, to never unsee  - the screenshots of what you shamelessly wrote about my daughter, what you repeatedly said about her to your side of the family, what you really think of her - this is the authentic Cher Lapid.  Don't you ever get tired projecting fakeness?  Continuing to live this made up persona on social media when we have receipts of who you really are, right here on this blog, is plain stupidity.

This blog that you discovered sometime late last year when you googled yourself.  You came crying in full wambulance mode, like the victim that you are, to your husband who called my daughter while she was studying for finals.  My daughter did not know about this blog's existence until your husband, her inconsiderate father, admonished her about this.  My daughter called me clearly upset, and while I was very regretful for not letting her know beforehand about this blog, I was also infuriated that your husband picked an inopportune time to bother her with your drama!  Why attack my daughter? She didn't write this blog, why not talk to me? I know why, because you are both effing cowards! You know your actions are shameful, so instead of decking it out with someone your own size, you again trample on the innocent, little one.  That makes you a bully - coward, insecure and spineless underneath all that facade.

Why were you so disgruntled about this blog Cher?  What did I post here that wasn't true?  The screenshots were your words, are they not?  Are you going to attempt to deny them, you big fat liar?  Were you angry that I've posted YOUR words and YOUR thoughts for the world to see?  Consider this my gift to mankind, a public service if you must, so they can be warned of what and who Cherissa Lapid genuinely is underneath all that overdone make up and social climbing vibe fashion sense.

I digress again, I know.  I'm deleting the above screenshot from my cloud, but needed to park it somewhere.  If it isn't apparent enough Cher, I have not forgotten all the disgusting and hurtful words you said about my daughter those many years ago. You messed with the wrong mama bear.  I'm a Mom - an unequivocally, unapologetically protective and fiercely loyal one.  What's your excuse for being the revolting piece of filth that you are?  Cher, you are no different from those adults who abuse kids by spreading hate.

But like you said on your pretentious Facebook post #PositiveVibesOnly only, so here it goes...I wish you get everything that you justifiably deserve in life Cher.  I wish you get back all that you put out to the universe.

Let It Go

For years I had tried to divert these negative emotions elsewhere.  I got my MBA, learned new skills at my job, even tried learning Spanish!  Don't get me wrong, Cher wasn't the first nasty person who has wronged me.  I have come across my fair share of unreasonable, mean, vile and downright foolish characters.  Disengaging and diverting my attention elsewhere became an effective strategy for me.

I stay away from negative beings, refrain from talking about them to anyone (because it's a waste of time really, one or two venting sessions amongst my closest circle should be more than enough) and I immerse myself to what's good and positive so after awhile, the misdeeds of these toxic people  become just a distant memory.  In most cases, I've forgiven (but not forgotten) so I can move on without having to cause disruption on anyone's lives.  I've done it a dozen times so ignoring Cher and focusing on other endeavors that will enrich me positively was not difficult to do.

And I tried, I really did, but those solutions that used to work were merely band-aids.  They would stop the bleeding for a good amount of time, but the wound is still there.  It would be ok for a period of time, then something happens that would swiftly trigger memories of those vitriolic words and just like that, I am back to that day in October 2013 when I felt utterly helpless while my child was in pain.  I just cannot seem to shake it off.

What's different this time around?  Why did my "effective strategy" fail?

Because my daughter was hurt.

Because I felt her heart broke.

Because I saw her tears.


I wished Cher had stopped with me.  Bash me all you want from sun up to sun down, until all your days are filled with hateful thoughts about me, make me the center of your purposeless life.  Go right ahead.  You will not hear a peep from me.

But she didn't.  She went right ahead and trampled my daughter.  Why?

Tata doesn't demand anything from BD or his little family -- not time, not money, not even attention.  If she did, yes I could understand how Cher can be irritated gradually until it builds up to this giant snowball of intense dislike.  Imagine having to share resources with your husband's first child?!  Which begs these questions:  Does BD regularly visit and spend time with his only daughter?  No.  Did he offer to pay (at least a part of) her college tuition? housing? meal plan? books?  supplies? No, no, no no and no.  Does he give her monthly spending money?  for auto insurance? gas? clothing? No, no, no and no.  Does Tata demand anything at all from her biological father? Absofreakinglutely Not.

Meanwhile, Cher's Instagram account is peppered with her latest fashion purchases and she is not shy flaunting them: Hermes,  Prada, Louis Vuitton, Balenciaga, Chanel, Tiffany and Co., Bvlgari, Balmain, Valentino, DVF, Tory Burch, etc., you name it, she probably has it in her closet.  Makes you think they are rolling in the dough, right?  So how come BD hardly spends a dime for his daughter, except for Christmas presents and birthday dinner?  If Cher forbids BD from putting a line on their budget for his only daughter, then that's on him.  If he thinks that he doesn't have to support his child because she's already technically an adult, then that's on him too.  He didn't really support her as a minor, why start now?

To be honest, I couldn't care less how Cher and BD spend their money.  Fortunately, my husband and I make enough so Tata didn't have to be in a position to beg for anything from her biological father.  The point is, I've racked my brain trying to think of reasons why Cher would develop such animosity towards my daughter.  If it's not sharing her husband's resources, then what is it?  In the end, I have settled on the idea that it's simply because my daughter exists, which is an insanely ridiculous justification!  How could any normal human being reason with that?

Now Cher, I know you love your son T...so very much that anyone who disappoints him gets your wrath right?  I've seen some of your lengthy, scathing, anger-filled social media posts directed towards people or companies and establishments that you perceived treated your son unfairly.  The posts were borderline unreasonable and unfair to the other party, all because you felt your son was slighted.  Let me pick an example (out of the many), remember that day when you took your son to a public library and decided on the fly to have him sit in a reading activity for toddlers?  Yes that one.  At the end of that activity, the teacher handed out eggs to all the kids except your son.  You wrote that you were aggravated and hurt because the snobbish teacher singled out your 3-year old by not giving him an egg.  Below is Cher's original post on Yelp referencing this review, under the name Rissa L. (short for Cherissa Lapid).  I've also included a review where she posted a photo of herself, so there is no mistaking that this handle and review on Yelp belongs to Cher:

Fortunately, she posted a photo of herself on this review, so I am certain Rissa L. on Yelp is Cher  I've read some of her other reviews while at it, and from these, I opine Cher exudes this I am better-than-thou attitude on most of her critiques.  Well, she did have that previous Instagram handle "herroyalhighnesscher" so perhaps she has some form of grandiose delusions.

This is one of Cher review on Yelp that I find quite distasteful.  As someone who works in a healthcare system that promotes and supports mental health with a mission to end substance abuse, suicide and homelessness, it is sickening for me to know that for Cher, this unfortunate plight matters less than her enjoyment of donuts.  Like the destitute state of her fellowmen is immaterial and her pastry pleasure matters above all.  Hey Cher, why not share your good fortune and buy a box of donuts for these "homeless people and crazy schizos" on your next visit to Winchell's Donut House?

Here's another one of her reviews.  Obviously, she doesn't feel unsafe around these "junkie customers" or she wouldn't keep coming back (with her son in tow, no less) to this particular McDonald's. Cher just doesn't like seeing the homeless, impoverished crowd because she will lose appetite for her Big Mac.  How dare these people loiter in her highness' presence!  Don't they know?  She cannot stand hungry, down on their luck, possibly mentally ill people while she's attending to her gastronomic affair with fast food!
Hey Cher, if the sight of these unfortunate souls really bother you (strong enough to make certain the business establishments know you're repulsed by them), why keep coming back to this place? Why not go outside of Moreno Valley and find a nice place fit for someone as classy and high-end like you?  Here's a suggestion, dine at Fleming's over at La Jolla or Newport Beach, I guarantee you won't see "junkie customers" there because these places are upscale, fit for royalty or feeling royalty alike.

Ok, I digress...on to the other review I mentioned earlier.

As you can see, it doesn't take much to aggravate and hurt Cher, just her perception of someone hurting her child will send her to crazy angry land.  What would she actually do if her kid was intentionally hurt, just like she deliberately and purposely hurt my child?  She will probably go crazy ballistic.  So you see, my reaction compared to hers is still mellow, no?

Wow.  How dare that teacher purposely hurt a toddler!  Could it be that she had just enough eggs to hand out to the kids who actually signed up (in advance) for the activity???  But you couldn't see through reason, because you thought your child was being ignored intentionally.  You described the teacher as "Asian or Latina with long black hair", so when management reads your post they knew who to admonish.  I seriously hope you didn't cost that woman her job.

My point is, now you can understand where I am coming from.  This blog is kinda like your social media rants (on steroids) except that I don't think this was borne out of an incorrect perception that my child was slighted.  Trust me, she was unequivocally maligned by someone she thought was family.   She was harmed, emotionally scarred and betrayed by someone she thought she could trust.  So who could blame a mom for trying to defend and protect her child?

Certainly not you.  We both know that at the slightest provocation, those fangs and claws will come out so you can defend and protect your child.  I am merely doing the same thing for my child.

You better believe it.

I am letting it all out and leaving it here, in the hopes that one day this nightmare will stop repeating itself.  Like I said, I want to be able to move on permanently and for good, not just for a period of time, not just temporarily.  I have to put an end to this vicious cycle of being ok with it for a minute and then not the next.

Just move on already?  Well, if this was done to your child, how quickly can you move on?  24 hours?  Overnight? A week? A year? A decade?  Who knows?

Yes, hanging on to something that hurts can be oppressive and depleting.  I should really try harder to let it go.

So I will.  So I must.

Apology Not Accepted. Do You Understand?

For someone to hope that a relationship can be mended and brought back to its original state by uttering an apology is definitely misguided.  Genuine or not,  saying you're sorry does not erase history.  It does not cover up all the hurtful words and mean thoughts.  It cannot restore a relationship to what it was before, especially when there really wasn't an authentic relationship to begin with.

Cher Lapid had to accept the fact that her husband had a kid from his past, she cannot do anything about it so she had to play along.   She had to accept it...for show.  She had to pretend all is well by putting up an elaborate display of affection over social media, she had to show people that she loved and cared about Tata.

I think the reality is, Cher abhors the idea of a non-traditional family setup, she didn't like the thought of sharing her husband's attention with anyone.  When she couldn't reign in the anger and frustration anymore, her true colors surfaced.  Who could blame her? Pretending to love someone and to be constantly nice to them is exhausting!  She had to remove her mask one way or the other.

Maya Angelou was right.  She said "when people show you who they are, believe them."   I now know who you truly are Cher, and I believe what I see in you.

Parental Estrangement

...between my daughter and her father.  If this was Cher's goal all along then she had succeeded.  Tata's relationship with her father hadn't been tight to begin with, mostly due to the fact that he didn't raise her.  He would visit our daughter, have her over on Holidays, and occasionally called her.  She spent weekends with him, Cher and their son whenever her school schedule permitted, but the journey to that real father-daughter relationship was still a long road.

Well, Cher's behavior and nasty intentions brought that to a screeching halt.

Let's backtrack a bit, I pretty much single-handedly raised Tata with no financial assistance from BD.  When Tata was eight years old, I finally had the courage to take BD to court to demand child support, I was mostly thinking about our daughter's future (i.e, college fund), so in 2006 the court ordered BD to pay $163 a month in child support.  BD was slighted that I took him to court to ask for child support.  For eight long years, I waited for him to man up and support his child and it wasn't like he was blindsided by this, we talked about him providing financial support, and he promised every single time that he would.  I guess I just got tired of his empty promises.  In 2010, he married Cher and they shortly became pregnant.  Tata was concerned that her BD would not be able to raise a new family when Cher was unemployed and he could lose his job at any moment.  So I did what a mother would do to ease that worry, I had the child support order discontinued.  At this time (2006-2010), BD had given a total of about $7,000 in child support payments which all went to Tata's 529 (college) plan.

However, it appears that my daughter was worried for nothing about her BD's financial situation.  On Cher's Instagram account via her previous handle dtopnotch_r, (she changes her username ever so often, currently it is c_thetopnotch_r) she tells her followers that she is an "occupational therapist by profession, senior property manager" I guess she switched from the retail industry to healthcare and real estate!

(Update as of October 2017: Cher removed the info on her Instagram profile that she works as an occupational therapist.  I did a quick search on https://search.dca.ca.gov/ to look up Cherissa Lapid, Cherissa Celeste Vallecer Lapid or her maiden name Cherissa Vallecer, Cherissa Celeste Vallecer, even her nickname Cher Lapid or Cher Vallecer, when she posted that she has a licensed profession, but nothing came up.  Maybe her OT license expired?  But wouldn't that information still be on the database?  I do know that she is an occupational therapist by education, but worked in office administration then retail sales afterwards, where she has most of her work experience from.  So of course, her OT job is news to me.  She remains a senior property manager though, and now she's also a style blogger.)

New instagram handle: c_thetopnotch_r
On her Instagram post below about the hospital tour she did for their 2nd child on the way, Cher also mentioned that BD is an electrical engineer, surely they are doing OK financially.  Again, I don't really keep tabs of what their occupations are, it's also news to me that BD works as an electrical engineer.  He was probably hired as one shortly after the child support was discontinued, because a $163/month child support order couldn't have been based from an electrical engineer's salary.  What I do know is that he majored in electrical engineering in college.  Anyway,  it was refreshing to know that my daughter need not worry about her biological father's financial situation, because with three jobs between them, (Cher, an occupational therapist and senior property manager and BD, an electrical engineer) they are doing just fine.

Now, ask if BD voluntarily offered financial support for his daughter..........*crickets.*

Despite BD's shortcomings to our daughter, I did not raise her to hate him.  In spite of the conflicts I've had with BD, I refused to bad mouth him in front of our child, this is how Tata grew up with love and concern for her BD even though they've never really spent a lot of time together.  I love my daughter so much that I had to put my personal feelings aside and allow her to have a relationship with her biological father.

Cher could not do this.  How selfish can someone be to want to put a wedge between a father and his daughter?  Love is patient and kind.  Love is not jealous, not selfish... I guess what Cher feels for BD wasn't this type of love.

I have never known BD to like either confrontations or serious talks, he avoided both whenever he could.  He might have changed over the years, but the incident between our daughter and his wife proved that he still chooses to shy away from important conversations.

After finding out that BD and Cher had a big fight over the screenshots of the conversations that started this whole thing, I expected that he would then have a talk with our daughter, apologize to her at the very least for his wife's horrid behavior.  This did not happen.  BD never addressed it with Tata.  He swept it under the rug and went on his merry way...like it never happened.

Fast forward to July of this year, almost 4 years running since Tata slept over at her BD's apartment that he shared with Cher and their son, he invited our daughter to visit them at their new apartment and stay over.  Tata could not believe that her BD invited her to spend the weekend, under the same roof, with the woman who loathes her very existence.  Remember what Cher said?  She said  she never liked it when Tata stayed over at their apartment.  When our daughter was there, Cher would act like a robot so my daughter would be bored and would want to go home soon.  Remember that?

Not wanting to hurt her BD's feelings, she refused by saying I didn't want her spending the night, not that weekend (actually, not ever).  Our daughter is still disappointed that her BD would rather pretend everything is ok than have a serious talk with her about what happened.

I get that BD could be embarrassed of his wife's behavior, which precludes him from having a conversation with our daughter, but c'mon!

So back to that July event, it was BD and Cher son's birthday.  Tata, along with her boyfriend, attended her half-brother's birthday party.  Now before this day and since October 2013, most of Tata's conversations with Cher (which the latter awkwardly initiates) during BD's family gatherings have been brief but civil, none of that friendly conversations that used to be natural for the both of them.  Expectedly,  this gathering was no exception as Cher managed to behave like a fool by making inappropriate comments.

Around this time, Cher is pregnant with their second baby and upon seeing my daughter and her boyfriend, asked "when are you guys going to get married?", offered an unsolicited advice of "you should really have kids while you're young," and urged "give me grandkids soon!"

Tata and her boyfriend recounted the day's event to me and both were uncomfortable with Cher's line of questioning and improper choice of conversation starter.

So...WTF Cher? Are you suggesting that Tata abandon school and have kids at 19 so you can have grandkids?  Clearly, you did not want Tata to finish her college degree on time.  I now know you secretly wish that my daughter fails at whatever she does.  We know your real intentions.  We know what you truly think.

And what did you mean, give you grandkids?  You hate my daughter to begin with, now you want her to have kids early so you can have grandchildren who you'll hate even more?  And by the way, when she has kids of her own (many years from now after professional school), they will not be your grandkids because you are not part of our family.

Do me a favor Cher, please do not speak to my daughter when you happen to be at the same family gathering her BD invites her to.  It's ok, you do not have to pretend to be nice.  You do not have to exert an effort on small, thoughtless conversations.  You do not have to initiate pointless, meaningless and hollow interactions.  Normal people who hate other people don't engage in a charade to pretend to like said other people.

But then we all know, you are not normal.

Trying To Move Forward...

Some days I wished that this was all a nightmare and I would wake up any second and everything will be back to normal.  A very small part of me wished I never found out, but there's a reason why I had to discover who the real Cher Lapid is.  I'd like to think we're being protected from people like her.  The only thing I would change is that I wished we had known sooner.  From what I found out, this had been going on for years (yes years!) and that Cher would tell anyone (except us obviously) how much she despises us.

My friend M's text message to me that I have saved since.  
When you cannot think of a reason why someone loathes you, then that than can only mean that someone is simply just a hater.  Be thankful when people like that in your life are exposed, you have to know who they are so you can protect yourself and those close to you.

After letting Cher's husband know the horrible truth about her, I took the first step to try and move on.  I did not want to dwell on negative emotions and I knew that I also needed to find an effective way to stop myself from stooping down to her level.

In January 2014, I went back to school to get my MBA.   Furthering my education was a great way to turn something negative into something positive.  In March 2014, I got promoted and the new job kept me busy during the day and school occupied my nights.  In 2015, my then active duty husband moved to San Antonio, TX for his new assignment.  The family remained in California because Tata was in her junior year in HS and we didn't want to move her close to finishing HS.  2015 quickly became a very busy year for me.  I was halfway done with the MBA program, had a full-time job while managing a household without my husband.  I graduated with a MBA degree in December 2015 and the husband had moved back to California while separating from the Military.

In June 2016, Tata graduated from HS.  She invited BD and her half-brother T, but not Cher.  I hosted a happy hour type of gathering at our house before the graduation ceremony, serving drinks and appetizers before heading out to the venue.  Tata's aunt M (BD's elder sister) and her family came, while BD said he wasn't comfortable with it, so he would just head straight to the venue with T.

I am not unreasonable.  Even if I hated Cher to the core,  it didn't mean that I harbor the same animosity towards BD and their son.  They did not do anything, so I was more than willing to welcome them at my house.  However, BD found it awkward.  For one day he cannot set aside his feelings to make his daughter happy, that day should be all about our daughter, not him.

As we headed out to the venue, Tata got a call from BD stating that they were in line to get in and that T was getting hungry.  I packed a sandwich, a drink and some churros for the little boy and we met them at the graduation site.  Everything went smoothly and off we went our separate ways after the event was done.

The following day, my daughter received an Instagram request from Cher (she formerly unfollowed and blocked Tata after that revelation almost 3 years ago at this point) of course, the daughter did not grant Cher's request.  What the heck was she thinking?  Just because we were nice to your husband and son, didn't mean that we forgot about what you did!

What you did Cher cannot be swept under the rug.  It cannot be forgotten.  It was inexcusable and downright evil.  Our lives have no place for phony characters like you, so why even try to make nice?  We can see through you, we know that you are innately vicious.  I suggest you move along and find some weak minds who will fall for your act.

The Aftermath

After speaking to A for almost 2 hours, I tried my very best to stop myself from driving to Corona, CA and dragging Cher Lapid by the hair down stairs from her apartment.  I can tell you that it was one of the most difficult things I had to do.

As days went by, one of the things that Cher mentioned on her fake apology to my daughter bothered me, there's a lot of things that bothered me about this low-life's behavior but this one was glaring.

I couldn't believe how mellow BD's reaction was after his daughter was maligned by his wife!  Did Cher really tell BD the truth about what she said about his daughter?  Did Cher even mention it to him at all? Of course not!  If there's one thing that I learned from all this, it's to never trust Cher.  She is dishonest and undeniably two-faced.

How do I tell BD what happened when we don't really talk to each other?  Oh I know, I can show him instead.

BD's grandmother who lived close to us was very ill at the time, so their family took turns watching over her.  On a November 2013 weekend, BD picked up our daughter so they can  watch his grandmother for the afternoon.  Fortunately, Cher wasn't with him.  When we picked up our daughter from his grandmother's house that night, I had my mom hand BD the printouts of his wife's Facebook messenger conversation with his half-brother P.

Days later, I called A and found out from her that BD and Cher had a major fight which left Cher crying (crocodile tears) uncontrollably, due to all the things that she said about his daughter.  So I was right, Cher's fake apology to my daughter was laced with lies thicker than LA smog.  She never told BD what happened, she just wanted to make us think that she did so we won't tell her husband.

As a result of all this, my daughter stopped visiting/sleeping over at her BD's apartment.  After learning that she was never welcomed there to begin with, she refused to go.  My daughter was betrayed by someone she considered family, she was hurt and I did everything to console and protect her.

Cher finally got what she wanted, no more seeing and having to deal with her husband's daughter.  In her sick twisted mind, this is wish come true.

A few weeks later, Cher called Tata.  My daughter let her phone rang and did not pick up.  What for?  She didn't really want to deal with her stepmom who had nothing true and real to say, she didn't need the stress that garbage will bring into her life.  Well, that's what Tata thought Cher was going to do at least, but later on saw this post on Facebook posted by the evil stepmom.

I guess Tata not picking up when Cher was ready to talk prompted that post and instead of sending a text message explaining what happened, Cher resorted to social media to write more loaded posts instead (not surprising, this is her style).  Whether that post was meant for Tata or not, didn't really matter anymore.  We cannot waste our time and energy reading between the lines and trying to figure out the mess that is BD's wife, so I told my daughter to just block or unfriend her on Facebook (Cher blocked her on Instagram already so that part was taken cared of) so she wouldn't have to see anything her wicked stepmom posts on her social media accounts and think that it's about her.

But yes Cher, go ahead and delete my daughter's number, email address, etc. from your phone, you lost that privilege to communicate with her the minute you showed us the real you.  Please go the extra mile and do not go near her at all, I am this close to filing a restraining order on you.

Despite all this, I would like to think there is a silver lining -- that is, my daughter learned (the hard way) how to read people.  She learned not to blindly trust every person she meets, not that she is automatically cynical of them, she just has to be on guard and rely on her instincts.  I think this is a valuable lesson to learn especially when there is a possibility that you will be around deceitful, two-faced, backstabbing people like Cherissa Lapid.

Why I Call Cher Lapid 2FB

Visibly shaken and infuriated, I called my friend A (nicknamed P) who happens to be BD's sister and 2FB's sister-in-law.  I shared with her what happened and what P told me about his Facebook messenger conversation with 2FB.  I felt bad for A because she was put in this position, I had a solid proof of 2FB's real thoughts so A had no choice but to confirm that 2FB indeed hates us and the fact that her husband and I had a daughter.  She hates his past, a past that she knew way before marrying BD.  Suddenly, my daughter and my existence became unacceptable to her.

Oh and all that goodwill that I thought I was extending to strengthen our family bond for the sake of my daughter?  2FB hated it.  She felt that I looked down on her every time I handed her some of my son's clothes so her son could use them.  She felt I was condescending because financial status wise, we're in a different stage.  How she felt was never reminiscent of my intentions.   She clearly had problems accepting our family setup.

It was also unacceptable to 2FB that I am friends with her husband's siblings.  Remember I said that I was already friends with them way before she came into the picture?  Well, this small little fact irritated 2FB to no end.  And it's not like I hang out with BD's siblings on a regular basis, not since we moved to the US.  However, we are friends on Facebook and Instagram and would occasionally like and comment on each other's posts.  But oooohhh, these social media interactions put 2FB's panties in a bunch.  She hated the fact that I am friends with her sis-and brother-in-law.  In her mind I was trying so hard to ingrain myself into their family, this tells me that aside from being an insecure wife, 2FB also did not feel secure about being part of BD's family.  I guess she somehow felt that she was replaceable and an insignificant part of that family?  I could only guess.

What did you think I was taking away from you 2FB?  Certainly not BD.  I am happily married to a man who makes me want to be a better person every day, treats me as his equal, supports my dreams and makes me strive for more, listens to me, loves my daughter as his own and trusts me enough not to make a fool of myself on social media (he doesn't control my social media accounts and I don't have to hide my Instagram from him.)  I thought you were happy and secured in your marriage too, but acting up the way you did made me think you're miserable.

Did you also think I was taking your siblings-in-law away from you?  Because you didn't have any other friends and they are your entire world?  This is not middle school yet you still want your exclusive clique?  Stop thinking and acting like a child because if you don't snap out of it, you wouldn't survive in the world of grownups.  Oh and in case you're not aware 2FB, friendship is a two-way street.  In order to be friends with someone, both parties have to be active participants in the relationship.  If you detest me for reaching out to BD's siblings, does this mean you detest them too for reaching out to me?  Will they also eventually find out about your secret hatred for them?

I also found out that 2FB would rant to anyone and everyone who was willing to listen.  Among other things, she called my daughter a slut and "anak sa labas" translation: bastard/illegitimate child.

2FB, if your definition of a slut is having more guy friends than girl friends then that makes me a slut too!  I have more guys friends (my girl friends, a select few who are genuine, kind, classy and chill with just the right amount of spunk) because guys have less drama than girls.  Guys don't do what you do, you know pretend to like someone then post innuendoes on their social media about how much they hate that someone who they won't really identify.  Guy friends don't pull shit like that!  So I am sorry (#notsorry) if my daughter and I have a tight circle of friends who are mostly well, guys, because with a girl friend like you, everybody should just be sluts!

Oh yes, my daughter is a bastard.  If my daughter was a legitimate kid, would you be in the picture 2FB?  And if you were - cavorting with a married man - what would that make you?  Be thankful that my daughter is an illegitimate kid, you dumb piece of shit.  Being born out of wedlock is not a sin or a defect, but being a terrible, evil person (like you are) is!

Knowing all this had been going on long before I found out about it, made me feel betrayed.  How could my friend A know this and not tell me?  I did not know that 2FB's hatred ran so deep.  I was potentially putting my daughter in danger every time she stayed with her and BD.  At this point, I wasn't sure if the hatred she felt was strong enough to drive her crazy and physically harm my daughter as she slept on the couch in their apartment.   You know those people who are so blinded by rage that they inflict harm on the object of their hatred?  The hatred that was building up all these years, accumulating to a boiling point and I was unknowingly putting my daughter right in the center of it.  I shuddered at the thought.

In the end, I had to understand A's position.  BD is, after all, her brother and she wouldn't want to be the person who drove the wedge into BD's relationship with his daughter.

I can't remember if I told A that I have the screenshots of that conversation with P, if I did, she probably never mentioned it to 2FB when she told her that the cat is out of the bag.

Below is 2FB's (rather fake) apology to my daughter delivered via Facebook messenger.  How quickly she offered an apology after she knew that we knew!  My daughter did not buy it at all, she had already lost the trust and respect she once had for her BD's wife.  Years of animosity building up to this point cannot be switched off just like that, so no, we were not remotely convinced.

Watch as 2FB tried to wiggle her way out of this.  I especially liked her line "...but I can only say that anything between me and your mom was definitely goin okay until P messed it all up."

No 2FB, you managed to mess it up all by yourself because you are an evil, deceitful, lying, two-faced pathetic excuse for a human being.

LOL, and the Oscar goes to...

Have you read and wept yet?

Her claims were unfounded because I never said anything bad about her, why would I talk about her?  She was never a blip on my radar,  meanwhile, she spent her time obsessing over me and my daughter.

Ok, let's just assume, for the sake of argument, that she heard I said something bad about her.  Who would she hear it from?  We do not move in the same circles nor do we have common friends or acquaintances (thank Heavens!).  The only person that 2FB and I both talk to (aside from Tata) is A, her sister-in-law, and my daughter's aunt.  I don't even talk to A on a regular basis.  Every now and then, A would give me a call and we would meet up for lunch or dinner whenever she is in town.  Our conversations hardly ever include 2FB and on rare instances when her name comes up, it's mostly about their family unit (e.g, A telling me she visited T - BD's and 2FB's son - at their apartment, she had brunch at this new restaurant with BD, 2FB and T, etc).

So what did 2FB mean when she said she heard something I said about her that hurt her feelings?  Did she just accuse her sister-in-law of fabricating things that I allegedly said?  I have known A for over 2 decades now, way before 2FB was in the picture and I can assure you A will never do such a thing.

But let's posit that I did say something offensive and A casually mentioned it to 2FB.   So yeah, I can understand the vile reaction, but what was her reason for hating my daughter?  If I follow her sick logic, since I am disgusted by her,  I should feel the same about her son too?  Anyone who thinks like that (e.g., 2FB) has the maturity of a 5th grader.   I don't think the blame for 2FB's repulsive behavior should carry over to her son.

In the end, she fessed up and said "your mom will never say bad anything against me" and that she has learned "that I should never believe anything other people say especially when it did not come from the person/s involved."  No shit Sherlock!  It took you over three decades to learn that?  Working in the retail industry, dealing with people from all walks of life, has not taught you a single thing about appropriate human interaction?  Un-freaking-believable.

This can only mean one thing:  2FB fabricated lies to justify her baseless animosity.  I can only assume that 2FB lies every single time to wiggle out of a mess that she created herself!  What a nut job.

Of course 2FB never personally reached out to me to issue an apology, she is way too coward to own up to this and even if she did reach out, the apology would be worthless.  Her words mean nothing to me.  Her words are as fake as her personality.  I can say though that she was definitely sorry... so sorry that she got caught.

And this is why I refer to Cherissa Lapid, my daughter's stepmom, as a 2-Faced B!t@h (2FB),  she was so good at pretending and faking it, and when she was exposed, she covered it up with more lies.  She blamed other people for what happened, never once told the truth nor owned up to the horrible mess she created.

Introducing...Cher Lapid

...the real personality of Cher Lapid aka 2FB, also known as Cherissa Lapid, Cherissa Celeste Lapid, Cher Vallecer.

Months turned into years and we continued this dance.  Tata spent countless weekends with BD and 2FB, they even attended her Middle School graduation in 2012 and they met my daughter's friends.  Everything continued to be fine...until that one day in October of 2013.

Quick background: I happen to be close with some of BD's siblings despite the fact that we didn't end up together, I maintained communication with them because of my daughter.  I figured if I couldn't have a direct communication path with BD, I could at least supplement that by maintaining my friendship with his family members who I could count on whenever Tata was in their care.  Please note that this friendship evolved years before 2FB was in the picture.

So back to that fateful day before the 2013 Halloween, I was chatting on Facebook messenger with BD's half brother - P - located in the Philippines.  Now before this day, P and I had never chatted in real-time, we were friends on Facebook, we would like each other's posts, and occasionally messaged each other about his niece.  However, before I moved to the US, P, A (BD's sister) and I used to hang out, we all have that common love for Philippine malls hahaha.

Anyway, P asked me a question if there was anything wrong with my daughter's relationship with 2FB.  I said none and that 2FB clearly loved his niece.  P said he thought so too, as evidenced by 2FB 's countless loving posts on social media of how she adored my daughter...until he talked to her on Facebook messenger wherein 2FB disclosed that not only does she hate me, she loathes my daughter to no end as well.  This concerned P, as my daughter's uncle and blood relative, he felt that he needed protect his niece from his half-brother's deceitful wife.

P then shared with me the screen capture of his conversations with 2FB:

Translation:  Did you know that here in the US, S (me) acts like she is the richest and smartest ape in the whole world?  And Tata (Agatha), who is such a fake, does not have an ounce of concern for my son.  She only pretends that she loves my son when Rean (her husband and Tata's dad) is around.  Tata is such a fake, all she does is flirt with guys who I cannot even count on my fingers, there's so many of them, omg!

Translation:  Pictures can say a thousand words but they can also cheat the hell out of the beholder (I guess at this point, 2FB was referring to her  happy photos with my daughter where she declares that she loves and adores Tata, but she just admitted that all these photos that she posts were just her being fake happy and fake loving) Sad to say, Tata does not care about my son that's why I never like it when she comes here, all she does is lay on the sofa to text and watch TV, she doesn't even help me around the house.  Boys, boys, boys, that's all there is in her brain and her big boobs.

 

Translation:  Ah she (my daughter) has never visited here if Rean is not here.  If her dad is stepping out,  I make sure that witch (again, my daughter) goes with him.  You know P, I feel bad that we cannot help with dad (2FB's father-in-law and BD's and P's dad) because our money is just enough for our family's daily expenses.  As you know, I don't have a job right now.  I am so sorry and I am hoping for the best.  Why is dad in home care?  Why can't he just stay at home and just pay a visiting nurse to look after him?

 

Translation:  Really P,  I promised myself that I will just focus on my child.  It has been a struggle here in the US, we are not as well-off as my sisters-in-law, but the three of us are happy (referring to her, BD and their son)  I just ignore Tata when she comes here, I act like a robot who stares into space so Tata will get bored and will want to go back to her home immediately.

If these series of messages were solely about me, 2FB could have gotten away with it.  I would have let it slide, because I couldn't care less about her opinion of me.  Constantly spewing derogatory remarks about me will not make her any prettier, richer, smarter or happier.  What she had accomplished by being vocal about her hate towards me is show people - who would listen to her - how truly lacking her character is.  She is shallow and a whole lot of empty.

However, it was clear that 2FB has now maligned my daughter.  The very same person she described as the "sunshine of her life" on one of their many Facebook photos together.  Wow 2FB, you have such a fake and ugly personality.  How can you lie to someone's face by professing to them that you love them, yet secretly loathe them?  Do you even know what LOVE means?

Like I said, you can disparage me all you want, criticize my every movement, laugh at how I look, how I talk, etc.   You can post copious innuendos about me on all your social media accounts and talk bad about me all day to anyone who will listen.  I. WILL. NOT. CARE.  But if you nick my child, who had done nothing wrong but exist, you will see just how much I care!!!

2FB, how did you know that Tata doesn't love your son?  Has she openly declared that?  Did she mistreat your son in any way?  How did you know she was only pretending when she showed affection to her half-brother?  If you sensed that Tata was hesitant with your son, could it be that you're so overprotective of him and overly critical of those who cannot provide the same care and attention that you give him?

Unlike you 2FB, my daughter is not capable of fake loving/liking someone.  She doesn't have cruel intentions and she is incapable of engaging in a relationship devoid of authenticity.  Do you know what this means?  Every thing that you thought about her, which you openly shared with anyone who would listen to you, are just all in your head.  You are projecting your own character on my daughter - because you can fake love/like someone, you automatically think others can too.

Do you know what's true?  That even after finding out about what you really thought of her, how you really despise her, my daughter's first concern was her half-brother (your son!)  Tata feared that she would never have a close relationship with your son because you never liked having her around (which I think is your actual intention anyway.)  It's sad how your son will grow up not knowing what it feels like to have a close relationship with his big sister, but this is what you want, so why be sad about it, right?

Let me tell you about my son, yes, Tata's other half-brother.  Him and his big sister fight like cats and dogs, they are 12 years apart but that age gap didn't stop them from bickering like any other siblings.  They fight about who gets to sit on the couch, even though we have more than one that they can sit on.  They fight over who gets to have the remote control, even though we have another TV in the house.  They fight over every little thing and they scream at each other until one of them cries in defeat.  But do I doubt Tata's love for him?  Not for a single second, not at all.

...and when they think no one is watching (and sometimes even when), they are the most loving siblings to each other.  These two lovely human beings are the reason why I exist, they are my heart and my life.

For reference, in 2013 when we found out 2FB's despicable character, my daughter was 15 years old and 2FB was 35!  Thirty-freaking-five and still no emotional intelligence!  At this point, I actually felt bad for BD.  It's such a pity that he is married to an immature, awful person.

I have to stop here for a second.  A mother can only take so much.

Something Felt Off

I began to suspect something was amiss when I saw some strange posts on 2FB's Facebook and Instagram.  We were not friends on any social media, but she was connected to my daughter so I happened to see a couple of her posts.  Here's one post on her Facebook account under her married name, Cher V. Lapid:

This post by Cher Lapid was clearly aimed at me.  I was the only girlfriend that BD had before 2FB.  We were each other's firsts, so this post smelled 99.99% about me and my letters to BD.  By the way, if you guys have not figured it out by now, I love to write.  I wrote down my feelings a lot.  I thought there was no better way to wade through my emotions than to first start writing them down, so thinking that these letters that she was making fun of were mine, was not a long shot.

The post was mean-spirited and disrespectful of my past with her husband.  How would she feel if her letters to an ex was made a source of fun and cheap laugh/entertainment?  This was insensitive and immature of her,  so what did I do?  Nothing.  I let it slide.

She continued on with her many snide social media posts, like the one below on Instagram via her old handle, herroyalhighnesscher:

I know I'm not pretty by your standards 2FB, but at least I'm not GGSS like you.

Again, I was the only ex of her hubby, so this post clearly meant I was too ugly for BD.  So what did I do?  Nothing.  I let it slide.

I did not want to make waves nor rock the boat so to speak, and destabilize my daughter's support system.  The way I look at it, as long as 2FB was directing her snide and scathing remarks towards me, I was fine.  Her behavior said so much about her condition and state of mind, it had nothing to do with me, so why bother addressing it?

Let's assume for a minute that I wasn't BD's only ex and these posts were not about me.  Perhaps there was someone else after me and before 2FB, a relationship that I didn't know about.  It's not like I kept tabs of BD's love life after we broke up, so it's possible.  Be that as it may, a mature woman who feels secure in her marriage would not bring up her husband's ex in a deprecating manner.

The need to voice out her incessant opinions of the past clearly showed that she had not moved on and continued to be insecure of her position as BD's wife.  This was not my problem.  This was something that she needed to address with BD so he could make her feel secure, loved and cared for, that way she wouldn't feel the need to disparage her husband's ex to make herself feel better.

Meanwhile, I live a happy, fulfilled and comfortable life -- both personally and professionally.  So really, what good would it do confronting an immature, insecure, unhappy character?

One Big Happy Family

Or so I thought...

BD met 2FB while working at SM, one of the biggest malls in the Philippines.  He was in charge of computers, hardware used for sales such as the cashier's machine, etc.  Tech support if you may.  2FB was working for Watsons, a then cosmetic store (they have expanded over the years). I was not  exactly sure what her position at the store was, but I could guess that she was an expert at well, the cosmetics industry.  She loves to apply and wear makeup which is still one of her focus to this day.  Later on, I learned that she graduated with an Occupational Therapy degree but had not used her college education as a profession.  She followed her heart to the retail industry which is not something to sneeze at.  How many of us have the courage to abandon years of education to follow our true calling?  2FB certainly was courageous.  Fortunately for me, my years of education led me to my passion at work, so I didn't have to struggle with that decision.

2FB came to California and eventually married BD in July of 2010.This was around the same time that my family and I (my mom, husband, daughter and unborn child) went back to California after being stationed in Germany for 4 years.  I was genuinely happy for BD.  I believe that in life, we get the person we truly deserve, and I was happy that he finally found someone who is compatible with him in all ways.  I was happy for my daughter too, at 12 years old, she finally had her mom and her biological father on one State.  She also has a new stepmom, another person who could be there for her.  Despite the not-so-traditional dynamics of the family, I was confident  that we could all make it work out for the sake of this wonderful human being that binds us together -- our daughter, Tata.

Tata spent weekends with BD and 2FB, each time she grew closer to her.  My daughter considered her stepmom as one of her closest friends.  Did I feel threatened that Tata's relationship with 2FB would be tighter than my relationship with my daughter?  Absolutely.  But because I love my daughter, I learned to set those feelings and fears aside for her sake.  It was the mature and motherly thing to do.

It was heartwarming to see that my daughter had all these people who love her!  She was so blessed.  2FB eventually would become pregnant and give birth to a son, about 7 months after I gave birth to my son.  Tata now has two half-brothers, whom she loves so dearly.  As a goodwill and to ease Tata's worries, I requested the State to cancel the child support order so BD would stop paying the $163 monthly child support for our daughter.  He had a newborn and 2FB was not working at the time, so Tata being the perceptive human being that she is, was concerned how her BD would support his growing family.  I also gave BD and 2FB my son's old clothes, some new and unworn, so they wouldn't have to spend so much on baby clothes.

I vowed to show kindness and grace to those people my daughter cared for because I was determined to build a strong family support system for my Tata.

Eventually, 2FB found a job as a store manager of Red Ribbon.  She worked at a location near our house so I would often see her when I pick up a cake to celebrate my son's monthly birthday (11 cakes until he turned one).  We would chat, she thanked me for the baby clothes and for canceling the child support order because that was a big help to them.   Our encounters were civil and lighthearted, I would never suspect that underneath that seemingly harmless facade lies a hatred so deep, it made her heart ugly and putrid.

One of 2FB's (Cher Lapid) text messages to my daughter, where she mentions that she loves Tata.  2FB would often tell my daughter that she loves her.  I mistakenly believed that she meant what she said.

2FB quit her job at Red Ribbon after realizing that daycare costs so much more than the money she made managing the store, she decided to stay home and take care of her baby boy.  Despite the distance, her insecurities did not subside.  Later on, her insecurities snowballed into an uncontrollable animosity which she made apparent to anyone who would listen to her.

First, The Background.

At the age of 18, I had my first boyfriend.  I was over the moon.  Finally I was someone's special and I couldn't believe this cute guy chose me!  They say hindsight is 20/20, so at that time I didn't realize it was a tumultuous relationship.  Hey, I was young, naive and I didn't exactly know how to tell if there was anything wrong in a relationship or that we were perfectly incompatible with each other.  All that matter was,  I was in love and I could take on the world.  Or so I thought.

At 19, I was pregnant.  My father insisted that I marry my boyfriend.  He was afraid that no one was ever going to want me anymore because I would be a single mom.  I refused to get married no matter how much my dad pressured me to.  I wasn't ready to be a mother yet and now he wants me to become someone's wife?  I didn't think so.  My dad disowned me and eventually, his granddaughter.  He did not attend my college graduation.  He stopped supporting me financially.  He cut us off.  If this was my punishment for disobeying him and being pregnant at 19, then so be it.

In hindsight, refusing to get married and standing my ground were the best decisions my 19-year old self had ever made.

After giving birth at 20 and armed with a college degree, I went on and made a life for me and my daughter.  It was extremely hard trying to raise a child when at times I felt like I was still a child myself.  Financially, emotionally and physically depleting...but this was my choice so I either had to sink or swim.  At this point, my boyfriend and I slowly grew apart.  Our goals and aspirations had slowly veered off in separate directions until we became almost strangers to each other.

He had a new girlfriend who would later on become his wife, and I met my then boyfriend who later on became my husband.  Both our marriages relocated us to California, where fortunately for him, allowed him to still see his daughter.  Things fell into place, and I was finally happy.

End of story, right?  Not quite.  The impetus for resurrecting this blog was actually my daughter's father's marriage.  Him, who I will refer to as "BD" (my daughter's Biological Dad) at this point, and his wife who I will refer to as the "2FB".

My goal - after releasing it to the WWW - is to finally move on, not just temporarily, not just for an extended amount of time, but for good.  Granting forgiveness may be a lofty goal, but a goal nonetheless.  On the other hand, forgetting is an impossibility.  You'll know when you read my story.

Mic Test, Mic Test

I've been having one of those days lately, you know when you have so much going on in your head and you somehow need somewhere, someplace to park all these thoughts and leave it there.

I thought about my blog and how seriously I've neglected it over the years as I try to live my life, and not sit down and write about it.  I have taken down the old posts all the way from 2004 for public consumption.  I will keep them as a reminder of how I was and how I've grown over the years, but sadly the reason for resurrecting this blog should not be connected to those wonderful memories in one fabric that will be part of the world wide web.

There's this event that happened some time in October 2013, yes almost 4 years ago, that deeply hurt one of the most important people in my life, and in turn crushed me as mother helplessly trying to protect her cub.

Despite my gigantic efforts to flush it out of my system, the event periodically repeats itself in my head.  The hurtful words would resurface at the most inopportune moment.  I thought what better way to release it than to put it out there. 

So I will.  So I must.